DH: Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, big squishy lizards, and all other
semi-intelligent forms of life gathered here today for DBDH ARENA 1! Today's
contestants are vying for the title of "The Game Pond's Biggest Pain in the Ass!"
This is a fight to the finish, a duel to the death! Who will survive? Only one, and
one only! And our first contestant is...
The security guards drag Thawhidol out into the ring and dump him, then walk
DH: The King of Complaining himself...THAWWWWWWWWWWWWHIDOL!!!
Crowd boos and throws paper soda cups and other trash into the ring at him!
DH: And our second contestant is.....
GARDENHO floats down from the ceiling, into the middle of the ring.
DH: The Blowhard of Boring Speeches, himself...GARRRRRRRRRDENHOOOOOOO!
Crowd boos and throws even more stuff into the ring!
The Bell rings four times! DING DING DING DING!
DB (as referee): FIGHT!
DB flies out of the ring, and the match begins! GH leaps into the air, turns into
a giant black crow, and starts clawing TI's face! One of his ears goes flying out
of the ring! Then, with his huge beak, GH grabs TI's nose and bites it off! The
crowd roars with excitement! But wait! TI grabs GH by his legs and starts
spinning him around! He lets go and the bird goes flying! GH goes headfirst, into
the bell! He falls to the mat, and transforms back into his human(?) form. TI
goes charging at GH, and just as GH is about to get up, TI tackles him! GH is
pinned down! What can he do? Wait...what's this? GH has begun one of his
mondo-boring GARDENHO Speeches! TI rolls over and falls asleep! GH grabs TI
by the shirt and lifts him with one of his gardenhoe-hands. The other hand
turns into a giant hammer, and he starts pounding TI over the head! He keeps
pounding and pounding and pounding! It looks like there's no end in sight! The
crowd goes wild! Then suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, comes a loud voice!
"STOP!" A real geeky looking guy with an oversized head and glasses goes
running out into the ring from the audience! It's NOADANO! He runs right up to
Gardenho and gets in his face. (Thawhidol is still unconscious.)
DANO: This is a place for talking about Nintendo games! We don't tolerate
personal attacks here! Stick to the subject or get out!
GH promptly drops TI and turns his attention to Dano.
GH: Oh, yeah? Well, MAKE ME!
DANO: HA! If we were standing face-to-face, you wouldn't have the NERVE to
say such things.
GH (just blinks for a moment): We ARE standing face-to-face, you dweeb!
DANO (puts his finger in his collar, he starts to sweat): Oh, yeah, you're right.
Gardenho rears back, lets out a yell, and takes on swipe at DANO with his
Gardenhoe-hand! SWISH! CLEAN-CUT! DANO'S HEAD GOES FLYING RIGHT OFF
HIS BODY! IT FLIES OUT INTO THE AUDIENCE, WHERE HUNDREDS OF ANGRY
N-SIDERS CONVERGE ON THE SPOT WHERE IT LANDS, AND RIOT, ALL TRYING
TO GET TO IT FIRST! Meanwhile, blood spurts out of the Dano's neck where the
head came off, and the rest of the body, drops to its knees, then down on it's
GH: Good riddance!
GH turns to where he dropped Thawhidol, but TI is gone! GH frantically
searches the arena with his eyes for any sign of TI. Then, GH turns around, and
TI comes flying off the ropes, over GH's head! He lands right on top of GH,
causing them both to go right through the canvas, making a huge hole! The
crowd gets really silent as they wait for something to happen. A hand reaches
up out of the hole, and pulls himself up. It's Thawhidol! He dusts himself off.
TI: Looks like I buried GARDENHO! HAHAHAHA!
Then, a terrifying shriek comes from the hole, and Gardenho leaps out from it!
He tackles TI from behind! Looks like he's not through yet! They plow into the
ropes, when suddenly the bell rings. They each go to their corners. TI's coach,
GH64, hands him a bucket of water and a towel.
GH64: What, do u liek thees grafix?
TI: Say what?
GH64: Time 4 Teletubbies!
GH64: U R GAY!
TI: AH SHUT UP!!!
Thawhidol kicks GH64 out of the ring! He goes flying into the audience!
GH64: Go play with your 16-bit toooooyyyyyyyys!
Thawhidol eyes Gardenho at the other end of the ring, and thinks to himself,
DING DING DING DING! There's the bell, folks! Round Two Starts!
GH wastes no time and starts charging right at TI. TI doesn't even attempt to
move. BAM! GH crashes right into TI and knocks him over! I don't believe it,
folks! Is Thawhidol finally giving up? Has he thrown in the towel? Can this really
GH: Stupid! You didn't even TRY to dodge! Why don't you just GIVE UP and
spare yourself some pain and humiliation?!
TI: heh heh heh heh....Not....a....chance..!
TI grabs the bucket of water, and throws it at Gardenho! GH holds his
gardenhoe-hands up in front of him, as if to block his face. BIG MISTAKE!
TI: We all know what happens to cheap garden tools when they're left out in
the rain, don't we? THEY RUST!
GH (looks worriedly at his gardenhoe-hands as they begin to rust!): Oh no! NO!
I'm MELTING! I'm MELTING! NOOOOOO!
TI rears back and uses his secret weapon! He starts swearing and cursing and
calling GH names and making fun of him and disagreeing with him. GH just stares
GH: Umm...that's YOU who gets upset when people disagree with you and make
fun of you, NOT me!
TI: Oh, yeah, that's right. Silly me! Well, then..TAKE THIS!
TI does a roundhouse kick and shatters GH's rusted hands! Without his hands
the rest of Gardenho starts to melt away!
Gardenho fizzles away, and his cloak falls to the floor, smoking. The crowd is
amazed! The bell sounds! DING DING DING DING! DoveBlob flies into the ring,
and holds up Thawhidol's arm.
DH: And the winner is...THAWWWWWWHIDOL!
TI: YES! YES! I DID IT! I AM THE BIGGEST PAIN IN THE ASS OF ALL TIME!!
The crowd begins booing and throwing even more food and trash at Thawhidol!
He is being mercilessly pelted! The crowd starts rioting, and they break out of
the stands and head into the ring! They are being led by a mysterious stranger
in a red mask, who is holding NOADANO's head on a stick!
Crowd Member1: That's the guy who said we were stupid!
Crowd Member2: Yeah, he wanted us to agree with him, and he insulted us
when we didn't!
Stranger: Let's....GET HIM!
The crowd roars and heads into the ring. TI drops the Trophy that DB had just
given him, turns tail, and RUNS! (DB flies out of the ring to safety and just
watches!) TI runs to the exit door, but it's locked and he can't open it. He tries
another door, and another, but the crowd is closing in, fast! He runs to one
final door, and it opens! He quickly darts inside, and closes the door behind him
and locks it. The room he enters is all smoky, and a bunch of shady characters
are seated around at wooden tables, playing poker. All eyes turn to him, and
they stand up and walk towards him.
TI: Who are you guys?
They all hold up sharp tools like pickaxes and knives.
Strange Man1: We're.....(holds up a pickaxe).....hackers!
TI: Hackers?! BAH! I bet you don't have the brains to hack!
Hacker1: Correction.....YOU aren't going to have the brains to do....anything!
Hacker2: Yeah...what was that crack about "cheap garden tools"? (Holds up a
pair of hedge clippers and snaps them!)
Hacker1: No bucket of water to save you now!
In less that a second's time, the hackers are upon TI, and they tear him to
shreds! All that's left are pieces of his clothes, flying everywhere! Aww...that's
DB and DH step into the middle of the ring!
DH: Well, there you have it, folks! This has been DBDH Arena 1! Goodnight!
As the crowd begins to clear, DB says to DH, "Just who was that masked
stranger leading the crowd?"
DH to DB: I don't know, but I'd like to know who the leader of those Hackers
As they walk out the exit door, a red mask is sticking out of DH's pocket, and a
pickaxe is in DB's pocket!