TROY SINGS THE HITS: HIS WAY!

I put together all the "filksongs" that Troy has posted on FO's forums over the past few years. His early efforts were mainly resigned to changing key lyrics in the songs to be about him while leaving the rest alone, but he's gotten better and seems to be improving with each new one. I put the best two first. I am Lord Boomerang I Wanna Be Fat Dear Pirates of Port Saiid The Great Mighty Troy If I Were King of Ezboard No One's Like King Troy I'm TROY

I am Lord Boomerang (Parody of "I am Woman" by Helen Reddy) I am Troy, hear me roar And I am too big to ignore And I've grown too much to go back to size 10's 'cause I've heard it all before And I've been down here on the floor No one's ever gonna keep me down again Oh yes I am wide Cause I like eating chocolate cake Yes, I've paid the price Look how much weight I gained... 0o If I have to, I can eat anything I am large (LARGE!) I am insatiable (INSATIABLE!) I am LORRRRRRRRRRRD BOOOOOOOOMERANG!! You can bend but never break me 'cause it only serves to make me Look even more like my namesake boomerang And I come back even stronger And I'm growing ever longer When you throw me, I'll return to you again! Oh yes I am wide Cause I like eating chocolate cake Yes, I've paid the price Look how much weight I gained... 0o If I have to, I can eat anything I am large (LARGE!) I am insatiable (INSATIABLE!) I am LORRRRRRRRRRRD BOOOOOOOOMERANG!! I am Troy, watch me grow See me eating all your dough As I spread my hungry arms across the land But I'm still an embryo With a long long way to go Until I have the whole world in my hands Oh yes I am wide Cause I like eating chocolate cake Yes, I've paid the price Look how much weight I gained... 0o If I have to, I can eat anything I am large (LARGE!) I am insatiable (INSATIABLE!) I am LORRRRRRRRRRRD BOOOOOOOOMERANG!!

I Wanna Be Fat (Parody of "I Wanna Be Rich" by Calloway) Hash browns...that's what I need These curly fries they are getting cold I like to eat them with A1 Bold Ain't got no time to be foolin' 'round Fork hits the plate and I'm chowin' down I want pizza, lots and lots o pizza I want my pie in the sky I want pork chops, lots and lots o pork chops And I ain't got a clue why... I wanna be fat! Oh... I wanna be fat! I wanna be fat! Oh... I wanna be fat! For my piece of flabbiness! I want my cake, wanna eat it, too! I want blue diamonds and yellow moons I spend my money on Lucky Charms My favorite sausage is Hickory Farms I want tacos, lots and lots o tacos I want that pie in the sky I want eggrolls, lots and lots o eggrolls Ain't got a fucking clue why I wanna be fat! Oh... I wanna be fat! I wanna be fat! Oh... I wanna be fat! For my piece of flabbiness!

Dear Pirates of Port Saiid (Parody of "Queen Marjoly's Song" from Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure) Maestro? *ahem* (clears throat) Me: I am mightier than the God The Devil is my slave More beautiful than the Goddess I put her face to shame Oh, look at me, oh what do you see? There's no one greater than me! I am the KING! The best you have seen! So worship me Chorus: Your highness, Troy Demetrius We worship you as Number One! Me: OH YES! I am EVIL - Personified!! So get down on your knees And if you're ever graced by my presence You'll thank your lucky stars Aren't I great? I amaze myself all the time! Oo There is one thing I still have to get I won't rest until it's mine... The Vice-Presidency of the United Staaaaaaaaates!!! HEY YOU! STFU!! My heart is burning, overheating with a raging fire That donut I admire, it fills me with desire Dear Pirates of Port Saiid, I am here to save you from this curse Let my godliness quench your thirst! My precious, wait a little longer I will end your strife I will bring you back to life I'll make love to your wife!! Dear Pirates of Port Saiid, If you think I'm bad now, You haven't seen the worst!! Let me quench my thirst! Chorus: QUENCH YOUR THIRST!! Me: If you dare get in my way I will MAKE YOU PAY! You won't live another day. Hey! Chorus: Oh, Lord Vyce! You are so nice! You're the baddest King under the sun Keep on shining, we'll keep on whining He's our king, he's the baddest to be seen Lord Boomerang, you're the evil beauty We bow to you eternally!

The Great Mighty Troy (Parody of "The Great Mighty Poo" from Conker's Bad Fur Day) *ahem* Me me me me meeeeeee I am the great mighty Troy And I'm going to throw my shit at you girls and boys A huge supply of tish Comes from my chocolate starfish How about some scat, you little twats? Do you really think you'll survive in here? You don't seem to know which creek you're in Sweet corn is the only thing That makes it through my rear How do you think I keep this lovely grin? *ting* Have some more caviar Now I'm getting rather mad You're like a niggly tiggly shitty little tag nut When I knock you out with all my bab I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt Your butt? Yes, my butt! Your butt?? That's right, my butt!! Ewwww... MY BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!! Oh, you cursed pirates, look what you've done! I'm flushing! I'm flushing! Oh, what a world, what a world.... Who'd thought that good little pirates like you could destroy my beautiful clagginess Oh, I'm going... Awwww NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

If I Were King of Ezboard (Parody of "If I Were King of the Forest" from The Wizard of Oz) If I were King of Ezbooooooaaarrrrd Not queen, not duke, not prince. My regal robes of Ezboooooooarrrrd Would be satin, not cotton, not chintz. I'd command each thing, be it fish or fowl. With a woof and a wooooof and a royal growelll WOOF! As I'd click my heel, all the people would kneel. And the admins bow and the mods kowtow. And the sparrow would take wing If I - If I - were King! Each user would show respect to me. The webmasters genuflect to me. Though my tail would lash, I would show compash For every underling! If I - If I - were King! Just King! 0o

No One's Like King Troy (Parody of "Gaston's Song" from Beauty & the Beast) Gosh it disturbs us to see you, King Troy Looking so down in the dumps Every guy here'd love to be you, King Troy Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're ev'ryone's favorite guy Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why No one's slick as King Troy No one's quick as King Troy No one's neck's as incredibly thick as King Troy For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on No one's been like King Troy A king pin like King Troy No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like King Troy As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating My what a guy, that King Troy Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!" King Troy is the best And the rest is all drips No one fights like King Troy Douses lights like King Troy In a wrestling match nobody bites like King Troy For there's no one as burly and brawny As you see I've got biceps to spare Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair No one hits like King Troy Matches wits like King Troy In a spitting match nobody spits like King Troy I'm especially good at expectorating Ten points for King Troy! When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Ev'ry morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge No one shoots like King Troy Makes those beauts like King Troy Then goes tromping around wearing boots like King Troy I use antlers in all of my decorating Say it again Who's a man among men? King Troy!!!!!!!!!!!!! 0o

I'm TROY (Parody of "Fat" by Weird Al Yankovic) *clears throat* Your butt is wide, well mine is too Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you The word is out, better treat me right 'Cause I'm the king of cellulite Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right My zippers bust, my buckles break I'm too much man for you to take The pavement cracks when I fall down I've got more chins than chinatown Well, I've never used a phone booth And I've never seen my toes When I'm goin' to the movies I take up seven rows Because I'm TROY, I'm TROY, come on (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know I'm TROY, I'm TROY, you know it (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know I'm TROY, I'm TROY, come on you know (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout Just now tell me once again who’s TROY When I walk out to get my mail It measures on the Richter scale Down at the beach I'm a lucky man I'm the only one who gets a tan If I have one more pie ala mode I'm gonna need my own ZIP code When you're only having seconds I'm having twenty-thirds When I go to get my shoes shined I gotta take their word Because I'm TROY, I'm TROY, sha mone (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know I'm TROY, I'm TROY, you know it (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know I'm TROY, I'm TROY, you know it you know (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds Lemme tell you once again who's TROY If you see me comin' your way Better give me plenty space If I tell you that I'm hungry Then won't you feed my face Because I'm TROY, I'm TROY, come on (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know I'm TROY, I'm TROY, you know it (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know I'm TROY, I'm TROY, you know it, you know (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house I really sit around the house You know I'm TROY, I'm TROY, come on (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know I'm TROY, I'm TROY, you know it, you know it (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know, you know, you know, come on (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) And you know all by myself I’m a crowd Lemme tell you once again You know I'm huge, I'm TROY, you know it (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know I'm TROY, you know, hoo (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) You know I'm TROY, I'm TROY, you know it, you know (TROY, TROY, really really TROY) And the whole world knows I'm TROY and I'm proud Just tell me once again who’s TROY