|The Thrill is Gone|
Lately, I've been thinking a lot. Too much lately. We all know that thinking too much is not good for anybody. I think there are two things I've learned in all my years on the internet: #1 is not to take anything too seriously. #2 is that many people are too damn stupid to realize that.
But see, that kind of attitude gets me in trouble with a lot of people. But since I've always abided by Rule #1, it never stops me from being the way I am. I thought for sure that within a month or two, I'd have everybody at the Game Pond hating me as much as most people at N-Sider did. And yes, I guess I did get a certain number of people's panties in a bunch, but generally most people actually LIKED it! People who actually liked my crap and not only put up with it, but demanded more: This could only be Heaven on the 'net...but it was a heaven that was also a poison. A poison that, slowly over the years, has eaten away at me.
Generally, I find message boards very boring. Many boards just don't have any interesting conversation. Many boads are much too censored, and conversation without controversy is coma-inducing. N-Sider was the only exception back in the day. There was just someting _about_ that place. I remember being apprehensive at first...Until I realized that the worst that could ever happen was to get your name deleted. Then, you'd just have to re-register. But, no, that wasn't it. That wasn't ALL of it. I mean, back then, most message boards had little protection against no-good-nicks like me, but that meant nothing. No, it's because N-Sider had that certain "it" that made it stand out. This was the only place where you could witness the very best and the very worst of internet society all in one place. I remember taking on the entire Pokemon BBS, the entire Other RPGS BBS, and the entire N64 General BBS. Pokemon got boring. Other RPGs was eventually deleted. N64 General calmed down. And then NOADANO eventually deleted the whole board and we're left high and dry.
So why did we make our own community? Obviously, because going anywhere else would have been the same as N-Sider. We would've been on someone else's turf, and since we were a bunch of ruffians from the wrong side of the tracks, that would not have lasted long. We built that community on the belief that it's okay to say that Cloud Strife sucks and you don't have to love all game systems equally. Then we sat back and waited for the lamers to come and try to change those ideals. Or, maybe I was the only one who waited, but they came...and oh, did they come!
And I had myself the time of my life. Crawl sometimes talks about how games and movies take their ideas to a climax. That is exactly how I view my time with the lamers of ezboards past. It began with the small fries like GH64. Then it was Thawhidol, who basically acted like GH64's lawyer. Then came the VI wars, the DANO Wars, the Fearsome Five, and Team-VZQ. Ultimately, it came down to the Game Pond vs. the Bugforest Community (or whatever it was called.) Yeah, I know. Poor BJ and Kiera wanted nothing to do with any of that, but we couldn't help ourselves. And then the climax came when the Bugforest board went down in flames. We had won a victory that was a long-time coming. The community was unbreakable, untouchable. We had something special that just couldn't be explained.
But every high brings a low...after that was over, there was only the occasional Dark Knight2 and Spam King Poopman to raise a heavy eyelid. A chilling fear crept through me unlike any other...I was getting bored with the internet. And it seemed that like, without a greater evil to unite everyone together, the people of the Game Pond started to become too fussy and picky with one another instead. In the heyday, Deathspork could go ten rounds with MiyamotoLover over whether or not EGM sucked. I could clash with GARDENHO and nary a tower would be shaken. But now, all of a sudden, any goofy thing I'd say would be exaggerated and complained about. Not that I would normally have minded, but see this is where that "poison" comes into effect. I had gained respect for many of these people. Now very little I did wouldn't set them off...very few didn't act just like the people we had spent more than a year beating down.
Well, this is exactly what I had expected from the very beginning. I guess it was a just a really delayed reaction. But something else happened...not _everybody_ was so mad at me. You'll just have to forgive me for believing there are those that would still wish to call me "friend".
But I feel like, as of lately, I've been letting my friends down. I can't seem to get into my routines anymore. I see golden oppurtunities abound all around me, but I just can't get the motivation to leap at the chances. I'm sure that when crap hits the fan, there are those who are waiting, nibbling their fingers to see what I'm gonna come out with. What DBDH hilarity will DH come up with this time? But sadly...the thrill is gone.
Part of it's because most of what I see is no different from what I've seen years ago. Pathetic, dead communities (*cough*Team-VZQ*cough*) trying to revive old arguments. Stupid flames that are easily passed over and forgotten. They use the same tactics, so I'd end up using the same jokes. There's nothing worse than a comedian who tells the same jokes after 20 years. Where the hell is the madness that was MiyamotoLover? What happened to the Nazi arguments of Rufushinra? And more importantly, where are all the people who realized that there was nothing wrong with arguing back and having a laugh about it?
But it's more than just that. This is not all just about *fighting*. It's also the state of the video game world at this time. I, perhaps, shall forever be a throwback to the N64 vs. the PSX era. That era is over. And I am left without a place in this new one. This GameCube vs. PS2 vs. X-Box war just is not exciting. The same old arguments that we heard years ago are heard now, and it's just gotten too damn boring. There's nothing like N-Sider to take this war and augment it to highly exaggerated proportions. (And no, GameFAQs does not count. Many compare that site to N-Sider, but it does not have that certain "it", and it's also much too censored.)
And look at how much the video game world recycles itself. God, was it damn funny making fun of Cloud, and then Squaresoft unleashed the unspeakable joke of Squall upon us. But now what? Making fun of Tidus is just...not fun. Okay, the Meg Ryan joke was funny, but that's only good for a one-time laugh. Whether or not the cartoony Zelda game will suck? Geezus, who really gives a crap? At this point, I feel I've seen every possible publicity stunt in the world. Even Acclaim's latest BMX XXX crap does not thrill nor surprise me. Any arguments, jokes, funny crap that anyone can come up with regarding this stuff is the same old, same old from years prior. Sure, we could continue to laugh about how much Pikachu sucks, but man, who really cares about Pokemon anymore?
But, alas, I feel I'm no longer what I once was. Perhaps, being in love has changed me. Maybe I've matured? I have my doubts about that one. But James is always saying he has confidence in me. He's proud of me and loves me just the way I am. Now THAT'S a real turn-around. At one time he had literally no confidence in himself, and one such as me who has no real conscience doesn't need confidence. Was it me who taught him confidence? Or was it Sethra? Or his trip around the internet? Gee, I don't know. But why does it seem like we have reversed roles. Maybe once someone gains confidence, someone else has to lose it? And FO says she was worried about me in the light of the DC Sniper shootings. God, I think many people would've been happy to see the name "Debbie Cosirus" on the list of the sniper's victims.
So why do people like me? Why do they care? (Don't I sound like the exact antithesis to the old BJ Strykes right now?) And speaking of BJ...I see that he's changed. I don't recognize him anymore. I guess, all things considered, he has a right to be cold, but still it disturbs me. I miss that goofy ole gentle giant that was never shaken nor stirred. I miss the "chocolate donut" and "Swedish Chef" posts. I want "I Want my Weebles Back" and "Ode to the Albino Witch". But why should I care? Why DO I care? I don't care about anybody, right? The poison...the poison has taken effect!
The thrill is gone.
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