DH: Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, big squishy lizards, and all other semi-intelligent forms of life gathered here today for DBDH ARENA 1! Today's contestants are vying for the title of "The Game Pond's Biggest Pain in the Ass!" This is a fight to the finish, a duel to the death! Who will survive? Only one, and one only! And our first contestant is...

The security guards drag Thawhidol out into the ring and dump him, then walk out.

DH: The King of Complaining himself...THAWWWWWWWWWWWWHIDOL!!!

Crowd boos and throws paper soda cups and other trash into the ring at him!

DH: And our second contestant is.....

GARDENHO floats down from the ceiling, into the middle of the ring.

DH: The Blowhard of Boring Speeches, himself...GARRRRRRRRRDENHOOOOOOO!

Crowd boos and throws even more stuff into the ring!

The Bell rings four times! DING DING DING DING!

DB (as referee): FIGHT!

DB flies out of the ring, and the match begins! GH leaps into the air, turns into a giant black crow, and starts clawing TI's face! One of his ears goes flying out of the ring! Then, with his huge beak, GH grabs TI's nose and bites it off! The crowd roars with excitement! But wait! TI grabs GH by his legs and starts spinning him around! He lets go and the bird goes flying! GH goes headfirst, into the bell! He falls to the mat, and transforms back into his human(?) form. TI goes charging at GH, and just as GH is about to get up, TI tackles him! GH is pinned down! What can he do? Wait...what's this? GH has begun one of his mondo-boring GARDENHO Speeches! TI rolls over and falls asleep! GH grabs TI by the shirt and lifts him with one of his gardenhoe-hands. The other hand turns into a giant hammer, and he starts pounding TI over the head! He keeps pounding and pounding and pounding! It looks like there's no end in sight! The crowd goes wild! Then suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, comes a loud voice!

"STOP!" A real geeky looking guy with an oversized head and glasses goes running out into the ring from the audience! It's NOADANO! He runs right up to Gardenho and gets in his face. (Thawhidol is still unconscious.)

DANO: This is a place for talking about Nintendo games! We don't tolerate personal attacks here! Stick to the subject or get out!

GH promptly drops TI and turns his attention to Dano.

GH: Oh, yeah? Well, MAKE ME!

DANO: HA! If we were standing face-to-face, you wouldn't have the NERVE to say such things.

GH (just blinks for a moment): We ARE standing face-to-face, you dweeb!

DANO (puts his finger in his collar, he starts to sweat): Oh, yeah, you're right. heh heh...

Gardenho rears back, lets out a yell, and takes on swipe at DANO with his Gardenhoe-hand! SWISH! CLEAN-CUT! DANO'S HEAD GOES FLYING RIGHT OFF HIS BODY! IT FLIES OUT INTO THE AUDIENCE, WHERE HUNDREDS OF ANGRY N-SIDERS CONVERGE ON THE SPOT WHERE IT LANDS, AND RIOT, ALL TRYING TO GET TO IT FIRST! Meanwhile, blood spurts out of the Dano's neck where the head came off, and the rest of the body, drops to its knees, then down on it's stomach!

GH: Good riddance!

GH turns to where he dropped Thawhidol, but TI is gone! GH frantically searches the arena with his eyes for any sign of TI. Then, GH turns around, and TI comes flying off the ropes, over GH's head! He lands right on top of GH, causing them both to go right through the canvas, making a huge hole! The crowd gets really silent as they wait for something to happen. A hand reaches up out of the hole, and pulls himself up. It's Thawhidol! He dusts himself off.

TI: Looks like I buried GARDENHO! HAHAHAHA!

Then, a terrifying shriek comes from the hole, and Gardenho leaps out from it! He tackles TI from behind! Looks like he's not through yet! They plow into the ropes, when suddenly the bell rings. They each go to their corners. TI's coach, GH64, hands him a bucket of water and a towel.

GH64: What, do u liek thees grafix?

TI: Say what?

GH64: Time 4 Teletubbies!


GH64: U R GAY!


Thawhidol kicks GH64 out of the ring! He goes flying into the audience!

GH64: Go play with your 16-bit toooooyyyyyyyys!

Thawhidol eyes Gardenho at the other end of the ring, and thinks to himself, "hmmmmm"

DING DING DING DING! There's the bell, folks! Round Two Starts!

GH wastes no time and starts charging right at TI. TI doesn't even attempt to move. BAM! GH crashes right into TI and knocks him over! I don't believe it, folks! Is Thawhidol finally giving up? Has he thrown in the towel? Can this really be?

GH: Stupid! You didn't even TRY to dodge! Why don't you just GIVE UP and spare yourself some pain and humiliation?!

TI: heh heh heh heh....Not....a....chance..!

TI grabs the bucket of water, and throws it at Gardenho! GH holds his gardenhoe-hands up in front of him, as if to block his face. BIG MISTAKE!

TI: We all know what happens to cheap garden tools when they're left out in the rain, don't we? THEY RUST!

GH (looks worriedly at his gardenhoe-hands as they begin to rust!): Oh no! NO! I'm MELTING! I'm MELTING! NOOOOOO!

TI rears back and uses his secret weapon! He starts swearing and cursing and calling GH names and making fun of him and disagreeing with him. GH just stares at him.

GH: Umm...that's YOU who gets upset when people disagree with you and make fun of you, NOT me!

TI: Oh, yeah, that's right. Silly me! Well, then..TAKE THIS!

TI does a roundhouse kick and shatters GH's rusted hands! Without his hands the rest of Gardenho starts to melt away!

GH: NOOOOoooooooooo....I....will.....expose.....youuuuuuuuuu......

Gardenho fizzles away, and his cloak falls to the floor, smoking. The crowd is amazed! The bell sounds! DING DING DING DING! DoveBlob flies into the ring, and holds up Thawhidol's arm.

DH: And the winner is...THAWWWWWWHIDOL!


The crowd begins booing and throwing even more food and trash at Thawhidol! He is being mercilessly pelted! The crowd starts rioting, and they break out of the stands and head into the ring! They are being led by a mysterious stranger in a red mask, who is holding NOADANO's head on a stick!

Crowd Member1: That's the guy who said we were stupid!
Crowd Member2: Yeah, he wanted us to agree with him, and he insulted us when we didn't!

Stranger: Let's....GET HIM!

The crowd roars and heads into the ring. TI drops the Trophy that DB had just given him, turns tail, and RUNS! (DB flies out of the ring to safety and just watches!) TI runs to the exit door, but it's locked and he can't open it. He tries another door, and another, but the crowd is closing in, fast! He runs to one final door, and it opens! He quickly darts inside, and closes the door behind him and locks it. The room he enters is all smoky, and a bunch of shady characters are seated around at wooden tables, playing poker. All eyes turn to him, and they stand up and walk towards him.

TI: Who are you guys?

They all hold up sharp tools like pickaxes and knives.

Strange Man1: We're.....(holds up a pickaxe).....hackers!

TI: Hackers?! BAH! I bet you don't have the brains to hack!

Hacker1: Correction.....YOU aren't going to have the brains to do....anything!
Hacker2: Yeah...what was that crack about "cheap garden tools"? (Holds up a pair of hedge clippers and snaps them!)
Hacker1: No bucket of water to save you now!

In less that a second's time, the hackers are upon TI, and they tear him to shreds! All that's left are pieces of his clothes, flying everywhere! Aww...that's too bad!

DB and DH step into the middle of the ring!

DH: Well, there you have it, folks! This has been DBDH Arena 1! Goodnight!

As the crowd begins to clear, DB says to DH, "Just who was that masked stranger leading the crowd?"

DH to DB: I don't know, but I'd like to know who the leader of those Hackers was, myself.

As they walk out the exit door, a red mask is sticking out of DH's pocket, and a pickaxe is in DB's pocket!


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