Ode to My Former Employers

by Devilrays

Once I worked for some other people
They seemed, at the time, just swell
But they obviously didn't want me, so I moved on,
And now they can all go to hell.

Steak n Shake Inc., now where do I start?
At the beginning, I shall see
My car had been smashed and I needed a job
Because repairs sure as hell weren't free.

So I found this new place, but I didn't know much
About what the place was really like
So I walked in and filled out an application
Thinking any job would be one I could like.

I was given six bucks an hour on the spot
More than I'd dreamed of in the past
I told myself this job was only the beginning
And I hoped to make it last.

At first making milkshakes didn't seem too bad
Save for the stains on my clothes
And the work I did was generally pretty private
Where managers didn't usually stick their nose.

Then my first payday came, and where was my check?
Nowhere to be found, I learned.
Though it wasn't even seventy dollars
It was certainly something I had earned.

Give it to me upfront in cash?
Management saved face that time.
Try doing that on a busy Friday night
With customers who can't make up their minds.

Then, when I worked 29 hours one time
You credited me with only twenty-two
That was when I made up my mind
One more screwup and I was through.

Why did I need to work a 40-hour week?
Let's see...what can you tell me this time?
"So other people can fail to show up"
You see why the pay's not worth my time.

After an argument with some co-workers
And a vacation approaching soon
I called it quits in mid-July
Proving I'm not just a dumb buffoon.

But I told you I might return in the fall
When I'd need a job again
But I instead started anew at Media Play
And that's where part 2 begins.

A job as a cashier was actually neat
It beats the hell out of fast food
But the shoppers didn't see we were all in one boat
Why did some have to be so rude?

So the thing didn't like the check you wrote
Did you write one just yesterday?
It's a security fix in case they get stolen
Just try not to get blown away!

You want an item you saw in the paper
But the discount's already expired
That doesn't mean it's cool to yell at my manager
And demand that I be fired.

All in all, the holidays were really OK
And the discounts were pretty sweet
But then post-holiday cuts came around
And for no reason, I was left to feel the unemployment heat.

For the first five months of 2000
I just decided not to work
I was hoping to find a place somewhere
That didn't think I was some kind of jerk.

I shopped around and landed at a place
OfficeMax, I believe is the name
After an interview and a week of phone tag
I was invited back to the job game.

I'm here for the summer, possibly more
Former bosses, just stay away!
You may want me back, but I'll see you in hell
Signed and delivered, the Great DEVILRAYS!

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