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  • Blinding Glare of the Colossus
  • Contra: Hard Core
  • Dining Force
  • Hypershadwo of the Colossus
  • Image Arcane Fight
  • Pez
  • Shadow of Colossus
  • Shadow of the Boolossus
  • Shadow of the Colossus of Rhodes
  • Sigma's Star Saga

  • Blinding Glare of the Colossus

    Didn't think Shadow of the Colossus was artful enough? Well you're in luck, because Team ICO is planning an updated version for the PS3 that has EVEN MORE bloom! Fumito Ueda told reporters "Some areas just weren't bright enough, like these":

    And we missed some areas completely with the bloom, like these:

    With the enhanced power of the Playstation 3, I hope to ammend these issues. This truly will be the most artful game ever!"

    Shadow of the Colossus music composer Kow Otani said he was let go in favor of the dumpsters behind the Basiscape building, so rather than Blinding Glare of the Colossus's soundtrack just sounding like Hitoshi Sakimoto's freewriting exercises, it actually will be Hitoshi Sakimoto's freewriting exercises.

    Contra: Hard Core

    You've just beaten Contra without the 30 lives code, and now you're going to tell the world what a psycho hard core gamer you are. You earn points every time you wow somebody, and lose points every time somebody says 'Nuh uh, Contra is unbeatable without the 30 lives code and you're a liar!' or 'Yeah, you beat Contra without the 30 lives code because you used a Game Genie instead!'


    Bill and Lance must stop Red Falcon's plans to conquer the universe with alien porn.

    Dining Force

    One thousand years ago, the evil Black Chicken rose from the dreaded Oven of Darkness. A quantam leap past overdone, Black Chicken unleashed his fury on the crops of the land. The Cooking Agents unleashed their power on the Black Chicken, and sealed him within the Refrigerator of Light. But just before the door on the Refrigerator closed, Black Chicken vowed to one day return.

    One thousand years later, you are Fatass, a soldier in training for Gorgiana ("GORGE-ee-ah-nah"). Fatass is called out one day to take care of some ogre stealing vegetables, and when he comes back the town's entire food supply has been stolen, but most importantly the sacred Golden Steak Knife of Light has been stolen by Cake, the cliche legendary hero enslaved by the real bad guy who we never learn anything else about.

    Join forces with...

    Puke! The short fat guy who eats a lot then vomits on his foes!

    Ketchup! One of the countless Centaur Knights you'll be using to tear your way through the game and spill your enemies' ketc... wait, that's not ketchup...

    Taco! The sorceress who'll fry her enemies' esophoguses with her deadly Heartburn spell!

    Hamburg! Who uses deadly accuracy to shoot Hardee's Monster Burgers down his enemies' throats and give them heart trouble!

    And Icecreamcone! The healer of the party with his delicious and soothing ice cream sundaes!

    Race against Porksol and his minions before they get the Key and whatever the hell that other item was and open the door to the Refrigerator of Light and unleash the terror of Black Chicken on the land! Battle countless exciting foes that are either dumb as a rock or cheap as smashed glass! Be inspired by plot twists that go nowhere! Drop your jaw in awe at graphics that make your characters look even fatter than they already are and lack almost any kind of detail! Dance to music that could have been made by a two-year-old on a sugar rush and a Playskool piano thingy! Merge the Golden Steak Knife of Light with the Silver Steak Knife of TOTAL EVILNESS BWA HA HA and somehow make the SUPER OH MY GOD HAPPY MEAL TOY SURPRISE ULTRA STEAK KNIFE OF ETERNAL SUNSHINE!

    You won't want to be eating while playing DINING FORCE, especially since its quality rivals that of Shining Force!

    Hypershadwo of the Colossus

    Try to beat the colossi by asking them why there are so many rocks in their desert then going off about how rocks suck and metal is so much better, talking in all caps and poor English, whining when they don't talk to you, and making walls of angry face emoticons.

    Image Arcane Fight

    It's an overhead shooter where you play as Chance as he battles the Great Spirits and deactivates the towers, and many other characters can be picked up as options. Image shoots a fireball straight ahead, Cory turns enemies into harmless birds, Nucleo throws two black orbs in a Y-like pattern, Robin flies around and destroys enemies, and Christopher blows up everything on the screen.


    Fly through a candy store, locking on to candies, and when you fire you eat them and hear the sounds "Mm!" and "Yummy!" and "Ooh, sour!".

    It comes with a revolutionary tube-shaped device that you stick in your mouth that tastes like candy.

    Shadow of Colossus

    When Magneto uses his power over metal to turn him into a giant and his heart is no longer able to supply blood to his brain properly, Colossus goes insane and rampages. Professor X is forced to split his body into 16 parts and put each part into a Sentinel, then dumps the Sentinels off in a giant desert and tells the other X-Men this desert is off limits.

    Apocalypse tells Wolverine that stabbing each of these Sentinels a bunch of times in certain spots will restore his memory which S.H.I.E.L.D. wiped out, so Wolverine heads out to the desert.

    In the event Wolverine gets hit, he will take pretty pitiful damage because of his adamantium skeleton, and will just heal right back up anyway.

    Shadow of the Boolossus

    In this remake of Luigi's Mansion, all the mansion puzzles and level design have been scrapped in favor of running around large, empty rooms of the mansion, starting at the foyer each time, trying to find which of the sixteen bosses E. Gadd tells you to go after. Except all sixteen of them are the Boolossus. But fret not, they are different. The Boos reform faster each time, so you need to pop it a couple more times each time you fight it to kill it, and the sixteenth one is wearing a crown and doesn't move. After beating the game, you have to option to play through as Baby Luigi.

    Shadow of the Colossus of Rhodes

    Fight sixteen giant man statues, all awoken by riding your horse between their legs, and the final one is naked except for a cape and a crown like the Statue of Liberty.

    Sigma's Star Saga

    Sigma plans to use Mars as a Bioweapon against Earth. It's up to the Maverick Hunters to stop him. The game has random battles and when you get into fights, the computer randomly gives you X, Zero, or Axl. Shoot everything on screen.

    When you beat the game p0rn Sigma gets added to that roster, giving you the chance unleash the p0rn Beam on your foes.

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