Well, venturing the amazing land of the internet, I stumbled upon a website. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "porn", but in reality, it was one of the 20% of websites out there that are non-porn-related. Over yonder at www.rpgtoolkit.com, I found this program called "RPG Toolkit". I've heard great crap about that RPG Maker 2000 program dealie, and maybe a few others, but this program was pretty easy for me to get the hang of. For starters, I can be totally computer illiterate and figure it out. If you can play Tetris, or play Tag, for that matter, it's not that hard to figure out.
However, like the name suggests, it's for making RPGs, that genre of gaming that combines the amazing world of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons with the angst of goth poetry and overuse of swordplay. Having been waiting for the sequel to Earthbound with no avail, I figured "Hey, Mercury Crusader, why don't YOU make an RPG?" My answer came in two parts: 1) Programming + me = bad idea, and 2) I hate those game genres that combine the amazing world of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons with the angst of goth poetry and overuse of swordplay. Then I figured out that the way this here program works, I could make an RPG out of Tetris blocks fighting the Fighting Foodons in Switzerland with baseball bats. So, I went to work, and am currently making an RPG that isn't about Tetris blocks fighting the Fighting Foodons in Switzerland with baseball bats. Of course, this is in-between my new vice, SimCity 3000 Unlimited (unlike most PC gamers, I wait until the good games get cheap, as in $15 or less), episodes of Hogans Heroes, and Animal Crossing.
First, I needed a plot. How about angst teen that hates the world but ends up saving it anyway? And his catchphrase could be "Whatever." and he could be a loner that hangs out with stereotypes of RPGs? Naw. It's overused, and last time I checked, angst was becoming a way of life, and I fear for my life when I'm walking around in the dark, seeing as how angst turns teens into the living dead. Well, after careful consideration, I had the solution. I'm just going to throw around old NES crap into an NES backdrop and make really bad jokes and crap! Hooray! I'm on a role! Using the vast amount of NES sprites in the world, and my limited imagination, I could make an RPG that puts Square, Enix, and Panesian to shame!
Next, I needed a hero. Someone who can lead his or her team into victory! Unfortunately, women aren't cut out to be heroes, as many Final Fantasy games have taught us. So, to remedy this, I looked into the well for female heroines. Well, the only ones that came to mind were Athena and April O'Neil, and last time I checked, both were pretty horrible. Hence, I chose Nightshade. Yes, he fits well into my equation of bad jokes and unknown soldier status. I'll fit others later.
Finally, I needed enemies. Dragons and Evil Polluting Capitalistic Pig CEOs came quickly to mind, but I realized that I don't like dragons and I'm an evil polluting capitalistic pig, but not a CEO, so using them seems too typical of the modern-day RPG. So I opted for Waddle Dees, Goombas, and those hamburger helmet guys from Mega Man. They rock!
So the amazing world of my game's main crap is slowly building! However, there are things I need to make my game great. For example, while NES-quality graphics seem great, I also need NES-quality sound. Also... Er... That's about it. I need sound. Here's some crap I would like to get my hands on:
* Contra/Super C's "End of Stage" music - I thought about it, and I figured, if I want great "battle victory" music, don't turn to Final Fantasy's music. Get a rockin' Contra beat! That works fine!
* Dr. Mario's "Chill" music - Battle music has to get you all excited about battling, and nothing works better than some action-paced puzzle music!
* Random Sound Effects - Hit, miss, jump, enemy explosion, you falling down go boom. All of these need a sound. The need for sound effects exceeds all else except for that Contra music. Hopefully, a library of sound effects would be nice. It might not be, you know.
* Mighty Bomb Jack's main backgroung music - Makes for great town music. Yeah.
* Suggestion for boss music themes - Anyone?
As you can see, and probably assess, my means of attaining video game music isn't all too great. With your help, however, the days of symphonies and orchestras playing music will end, once recycled NES music takes the throne again! I'll probably end up throwing in a real song as the game's title music theme thing. More likely than not, it'll be some bumpin' beat from Rush or The Scorpions or maybe Adema... No, maybe not from Adema.
Help minor RPG developers with no programming experience develop a game built around bad jokes and poor storylines! Only you, FO's message board elite, can help turn a crappy-sounding project, into the game so free, you'll be glad you didn't pay a cent to play it! It'll be done in, like, however long it takes regular RPG Toolkit-users to make a game, times two.
