I hope you didn't drink the cat. - cuttersDCut
I AM A GIANT BANANA!! - James FP
MAN THE ICICLES!!! WE ARE ALL GOING DOWNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnn..... - James FP
Really? I thought all men's underwear looked like that... - James FP
AHHHHH! BANZAIIII!! KILL THE DAMN APPLES!!! - James FP
Listen...do you see the herd of forks and broccoli headed right for us? - James FP
There was a guy named Bob.
He ate a lot of vinegar and threw up on Claude Van Dam.
Bob was never heard from again but legend has it that Claude Van Dam slept with him and did a miniature version of the OJ murder.
The End. - WhatAboutRaven2
I MUST FIGHT OFF THE ATTACKING PIZZA CRUSTS!!! - Devilrays
May 10th...what happened May 10th? Did the stereo speakers elope with the controller buttons, causing the answering machine to assume the role of a black cat with seven ears while the knife sharpener played Quake on the piano? That in turn caused the aspirin bottles to lead a revolt against the bed sheets, while the emoticons spammed the CEO of OfficeMax's e-mail with ads for percent signs? This in turn led Aussie's remote control to do a dance on the stove top with the biscuits, which reminded her of how the jewel cases always fought with the G.I. Joes. She thought this was too much for one contact lens to handle, so she walked on the beets until she saw the mirror image of Kefka's fingerprint in her VCR. And I guess the rest is history... - Devilrays
I have 7 beanbag chairs and one cat. Ask me for some stoplights! - ErniePants
Send in the eight-legged porkchops!!! - BJ Strykes
Never! Bring the nine-wheeled snake before the 37th hour of the 37th day of the 37th month of the 3700th year! - Mistr B
I have a nuclear-powered Rachmaninoff cheese filibuster in my onions. - James FP
I told you people to stop eating the signposts!!!!! Now get that peanut butter sock over here at once! - Minerva K Red
I think you should want to watch me pee!
Once you see that sight
There's not much more to see! - From Crawl and 1000's "Chocobo Song"
My turkey sandwich sneezed bologna and cheese all over the spinning teacups in the middle of Highway 45. - ErniePants
My tissues ate a ham sandwich and took the bus to New Orleans, where they stopped in the middle of a herd of lawnchairs to bake cookies on the sidewalk. - James FP
The coffee beans ate the mailbox and called my Aunt Edna a "pootyhead" while the napkin rings walked backwards as the bowl of clam chowder exploded. - ErniePants
The fruit fell on the floor and I can't reach it! I don't like apricots much anyway. My TV...it...resembles...A BOX!?!?!?!?!?!? oh my. My bird ate a watermelon!!! It looks like a shnoo now! The fish ate the SHOE! - cuttersDCut
And you too, Sethra, don't even think for a moment that you're getting away, the fact that you even thought about throwing that god damn die in such a way that it landed on that god damn 2 just makes me want to knock you down with a tiara-enhanced headbutt, crunch your weak, fraille neck with my school-uniform shoes, blast you with an aqua illusion, and slap you around a bit!! - Puddmann
DAMMIT MAN THE CAMELS! WE'RE GOING DOWN IN A SEA OF BEET JUICE! RAW MEAT SANDWICHES AND PROTOS FIRST! - Proto Man and Mega Man
Then the monkeys started playing the song "Eye of the Tyger" when the hurricane bit me. I yelled at it and it threw Barney at me. Barney later happily married Linda Tripp and they had 7.36 children. Today they happily live in a refrigerator box filled with fermented orange juice. The day they got married was the happiest day of both of their lives, documenting the day that Linda ate her/his own weight in pudding; and marking the day Barney went out into natural light since 1985. After it was all over, they retired to a room half a foot deep in bubbles. They ordered everything on the left side of the window...Barney fasted that night. The next morning they were kidnapped by Ronald McDonald and taken to the McDonalds underground lair where they were questioned on the disappearance of Bic Banana® pens. McDonald, frustrated, ate a sandwich and watched the two prisoners dance to the humble music of the Bloodhound Gang. When it rained that night, Barney was forced to fast, as the food was too important to Linda to eat. - Benji
The v Will Destroy all who Oppose with an army of Ws, Since the W and v have joined Forces against the X. - HiRider
The vertical bar resigned its position after being swatted at by Ozzie, because Ozzie mistook the vertical bar for Creampuff. Now you have a new ruler:
£
That is your new ruler. - Devilrays
The cheese from Zimbabwe has lugubriously flattened my popcorn! - AriKatt
As I lay on my back and kick my feet in the air, my hair falls aside, and then I realize I'm wearing two different socks. So what do I do, must you say? I reach down, but knock my glass of water over onto the floor, and try my best to dry it up with an old sock that's been laying there for about a week now. But, instead, I roll off the chair, into a pile of CDs and Magazines and promptly begin singing the Star Spangled Banner. - Minerva K Red
So many questions yet such little caffine left. And in the end when it all adds up in the elevator, we must always remember to just drop the chalupa. - Ash35
ALERT! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK BY PINK FUZZY SLIPPERS! NOOOO!! THE SUBWAY SANDWICHES ARE REVOLTING!! Quick! Send in the raisins and the bratwurst! We won't be taken alive! MUA HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA! - James FP
THE ZUCCINI SQUAD WILL HOLD THEM OFF WHILE I GO GET THE PINEAPPLE TROOPERS!!! - Benji
YOU STALL WITH THE PINEAPPLE TROOPERS WHILE I GET THE CANNON THAT SHOOTS TALKING SHOES AND SPAGHETTI - Mistr B
EVERYONE DUCK AND COVER I'M GONNA USE THE ATOMIC TABASCO SAUCE BOMB. GOD NO THEY ARE INCREASING IN SIZE. USE THE HOT DOG TROOPERS TO PROTECT YOURSELVES WHILE I GET PETER PEPPER FROM BURGER TIME. EVERYBODY GRAB A MISTER POTATO HEAD DOLL AND SACRIFICE IT TO THE ALL MIGHTY POTATO GOD. - Proto Man and Mega Man
CALL THE BUNNY SLIPPERS, THEY KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF ANYTHING, BUT BEWARE OF THE EVIL TOMATO SAUCE!!! - Protocool
WHO ATE THE SAUCE BOMB? *SMELLS BREATH* OOPS... - Mistr B
Can you guys keep it down OH MY GOD ITS A 63 FOOT JAMES IN A BIKINI RUN EVERYONE RUN. I GOTTA PRANK CALL HARRY SACZH AND TELL HIM I AM THE 63 FOOT JAMES SO HE WILL COME IN AND KICK ITS ASS. - Proto Man and Mega Man
SOMEONE HIDE THE FONIX MONKEY BEFORE IT GETS SQUASHED!! IT IS TOO PRECIOUS TO LOSE!!!! - Benji
I stole a canoli from the cheesemaker down the street! The cheesmaker ate my bowtie and threw bubble gum all over my socks! - James FP
BUT THE HORSE-LIKE-MAN IN THE TIE ATE THE FRIDGE WITHOUT THE PERMISSION FROM EVIL MANDEEVIL! HE SAID TO THE PRESS "I DON'T CARE IF YOU NEED SOME STINKIN' CABBAGE! GO ASK THE FRIDGE...OOPS I ATE HIM." - Mistr B
And go to this site despite the fact that it has nothing whatsoever to do with pants. And make it quick. Don't quarrel. Quiz the quacking aqua queen and quall Don Quixote's Quik. Quite. And aren't cheese and broccoli good? They go well with baked potatoes. Baked potatoes just aren't worth eating without cheese, and broccoli is essential for...uh, something. And take a good look at the creature in my personal pic - no pants anywhere. And I want to know - will anyone be on tomorrow between 7 AM and 2:30 PM EST? I need to discuss soft drinks. And what's up with this Astral Plane? If ErniePants doesn't go there anymore, why should I? I guess I'll ask my cat that one. - Devilrays
Buttered Napkins really do freshen up the lamppost feeders! - BJ Strykes
There once was a giant squirrel named Larry. He had a bazooka that shot out penguins. One day he woke up and saw Jay Leno visiting a hot dog stand outside his window. - Hobbes
Jay Leno flipped a hot dog at Larry and Larry caught it in his mouth and swallowed it whole. Then, his footstool sat down and read the newspaper, while the pink bunny slippers put on the morning news! - James FP
The bunny slippers saw a story about overpriced corned beef and got really scared, so they ran outside and got caught in a storm of falling mothballs. - Magical Yard Gnome
The falling mothballs turned into baseballs, then to orange cheese puffs, and Nerf decided to market them. They used Mark McGwire as a posterboy. - Devilrays
Mark McGwire ate the left button off my Logitech Mouse, and the batteries from the smoke alarm danced the Irish jig around my sombrero, while a shower of tortilla chips rained on my head. - ErniePants
When News of the Jig reached Ireland, The Irish became furious because the dance was Copyrighted. So ZZ-Top was assigned to sue all the batteries that ErniePants owns. - SR 2000
The batteries held a toga party on Ellis Island, while a giant paperclip flew 57 passengers to Miami and the 3-Way Speakers hopped a Banana Peel back to Detroit, ate 240 mailbox flags along the way, and spit out Charlie Sheen on the front porch. - Camira Breen
One day, I went to Kroger to get some pickles and buy myself a country, when I walked into Pepe's Playhouse and an unknown force took over my mind. It said "Don't kill the hole..." and I started going into a coma. While I was unconscious, I had this dream and I was at the top of a cliff and I jumped off, and as I was falling, I realized that I had to use the john, but I couldn't find one, after all, I was falling to my doom. So, I figured, I'm gonna die anyway, so I pulled my pants down and relieved myself, but then I noticed that my excrement was going up and when I plummeted to my demise, it would land on top of me, so, I threw the pair of jean shorts and intricately woven, lace, Victoria's Secret underwear that I had on, and threw it upward to try to divert the foul liquid. It wasn't enough, so I threw my shoes and socks up at it, and eventually, I had thrown all of my clothes at my pee, and I realized that I didn't want to die like this, but luckily, there was something to break my fall. It was big, brown, and it wasn't a grizzly bear, but it was: THE GROUND. So, after landing and only breaking a few bones, I started looking for people to get me out of the middle of nowhere, but my clothes were soaked in urine, and I couldn't stand to think about the embarrassment, so I burned them and tried to survive on my own. I did fine for about 32 seconds, until a group of hunters looking for naked women in the middle of the desert found me, tranquilized me, and hung me up on their wall, and after a year of looking at all these people staring at me, nailed to a wall, I thought of this poem, and when I woke up from my coma, I wrote it down:
If left is not right
then only right is left
Whaddya think?! - Puddmann
THE SILLY SNEAKER TOOK THE DORR NOOB AND LICKED IT TO DEATH!!!NOOOOO?! STOP HURTING ME KNIGHT OF HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN PROFESSER PINEAPPLE HEARD THAT I TOOK HIS EVIL CHINESE CAN OPENER!!! ZIP DABBITY DOO!! - Mistr B
Oh yeah? Well when I take place myself to the defective odore of knot, rake my sock of right. Why the cheese appreciate my dog? Hatred to scramble up mine bookshelf for the seventh time this veranda!! That's not just nonsense, that's incomprehensable nonsense!! I took nonsense, and I translated it into Italian and translated it back. Here's the original nonsense: when I obtain to the bad odor of naked, I rake my right sock. Why does the cheese like my dog? I hate climbing my bookshelf for the seventh time this veranda!! Who would a delay like to be? I may not eat mine computers, because he gives me diahrea. I must go to examination on my waterlilies, I see you on October 56!! WHY, GOD? WHY???????????? - Puddmann
One day I was trying to light the cheese with dental floss, but the frills on my dress caught fire. I dove into the crisper, but the carrots staged a coup against the napkin rings and called for a battalion of toaster ovens. That's when the shower curtain did a backflip into the toilet and eight radioactive butlers popped out and served everyone cheesewheels and margarine cups. I took off my dress and the modem scolded the dog for exploding all over the mailman, again. I ran as fast as I could to the laundromat, and ate three flower gardens along the way. But when I got there, my goldfish drove up to me and asked if I had any Grey Poupon. So my dressed got pissed at me, because the stapler stole his post-it notes, and threw gummy bears all over his favorite bean-bag chair. I tried to calm him down, but when the bubble bath insulted the rubber ducky, that's when the poodle hit the ceiling fan and napkin rings couldn't hold back anymore. With nowhere to go and nowhere to run, I floated down the river in a Cheerio and told George Washington to turn around, because the Redcoats were going the other way to wash their underwear. He threw Dick Clark across the river and said the first to get to him could be on the $25,000 Pyramid. I swam across, but was cut-off by a speeding vacuum cleaner. I drank the rest of the lake and returned home. The Pink bunny slippers were watching the TV, and there was Dick Clark wearing my dress on $25,000 Pyramid. The napkin rings were pummeled by the carrots, and there was poodle all over the living room carpet. - James FP
One day I was eating a book and reading a sandwich when suddenly my pants went up. I had to drink 27 Cokes to get drunk enough to drive. When I went into my car I was sitting next to Bob Dole's father's brother's cousin's former roomate. He told me to see Ralph Wiggum and burn my invisible rat. Suddenly Garfield the cat ate 27 pounds of raw beef and did the hot dog dance. I joined the Orange Glow Nation and killed 27 pieces of poop. Then when I was eleventeen i farted on Bob Barker's head the end. - Proto Man and Mega Man
Well that's nothing! One day I pole vaulted over a metal fence with a piece of chalk, and got a splinter the size of Minnesota stuck in my pet bowling ball! Oh the humanity of it all... but this taught me a lesson never to buy a VCR with power steering ever again. - Pelord
The riot is about that little tiny cactus who likes to play golf! What a shame, man! He has pure potential!!! He is called cactus western style... - Mistr B
The bananas told me my shades are cool, but I need to stop the pepper from harassing the onion petals while my refrigerator is singing karaoke. - Troy
If the ducks go to the lake to eat bread, then how do milkshakes move along without the help of ducks?! - Mistr B
I like to drink battery acid while watching bizarre chicken lips fish for McDonald's French fries in the Great Salt Lake. - Troy
My Subaru challenged the Chicago Bulls to a game of shuffleboard and won a hot dog for squirting mustard into a beer bottle. The stucco high-fived the couch after the exercise bike ran over the stereo speakers while the calico cats took over JANSPORK's cardboard box collection. However, the fun ended when the Sprite slapped the modem and the flashlight couldn't get Cinemax without a tub of beer. - Devilrays
My bluejeans married the mailman and fell over Niagara falls in a barrel, while the post-it notes took a bath in a bottle of barbecue sauce, just as the neighbor's lawnmower licked the ice cream off my windshield and blew out the front tire on my Queen-sized sofabed. - Camira Breen
The monkey accidently bit the smelly tumor while a stray Ronald McDonald danced at gunpoint to some hairy fat man with a wedding dress on. Then the cookies finished and finally stopped singing "Send in the Clowns" when a banana spontaneously combusted. Disclaimer: No monkeys, Ronald McDonalds', cookies, or bananas were actually hurt in the writing of this nonsensical rambling. - Benji
I tried to record the Super Bowl on the sole of my Nike sneakers, but I couldn't get good enough reception without eating a 20-pound bag of sugar and pouring sardines on the lampshade. But the scrub-brush made a mad dash to the La-Z-Boy recliner, and fell off the edge of the kitchen counter, landing on my ferret and making it sing, "O Solo Mio" in a minor key! - Camira Breen
The keys beat my flashlight with a screwdriver and got drunk on molten lava while the frosty CD's poured beer on the Super Bowl trophy. The Pentagon Papers then ate my stereo speakers, and now my wall won't play hockey on Thursdays without a tank made of liquid nitrogen. - Devilrays
My razors ate the banana cream pie off the top of the shower curtains, while the 256K modem threw my peanut butter jars in the toilet with a tutu and a crowbar. - Camira Breen
I played Chapsticks on the piano and the ghost of Kwanzaa whilst came left from the realm of dognip and ate my left foot. - Puddmann
One day I was eating air and breathing food, Dr. Hotsauce called me at McDonalds and said, "You better give me the salsa!!!" I replied, "Never! Why would I give away the secret potion to you?? You tried to destroy Prof. Pineapple!!!!" "Now why would I try to destroy him again?" "Maybe so you can get his wonderful cloning bunny rabbit?!!!?!!!? Yes!" Then Limp Bizkit comes in and sings "I'm too f***in good and f***in proud, I'm gonna show you how that it hurts to be a clown!!" - Mistr B
Noooooo! I told you we should have sold cake instead of oysters. Call the CIA, we have 2 naked 900 pound twins on the loose. In the meantime, I called Peter Pepper and we can see what he will do. - Proto Man and Mega Man
OH NO!!!! The crackers are eating the parrot and the batteries are running away with the phone!!!!! The cat has eaten the batteries and the phone's talking with the mic!! - HiRider
So let's see here...according to my records, people here dislike me because there is an 87.1% chance of rain in Atlantis on October the 32nd, and no one knows why. This is only true because colorless green ideas sleep furiously, and the moon is in fact made of boogie boards and not green cheese like once thought by some drunk in the street. - Devilrays
My John Salary Cake ran away with the toaster hugger and the flying motza ball! Then it ate all the French toast and kicked his own ass to Arabian Stars before you could say DUSTCHAVUSTCHAVICHOFRENCA 34 million times! PS. Why did this giant logo fly in my dog's ear? - Mistr B
In my town, radioactive coconut stands tend to pee on the fire hydrants and trip little old ladies, so that banapeels can steal their walkers right out from under them! - James FP
James, I thought we went through this already. It's not the banana peels that are stealing the old lady's walkers, it's you. This cleptomania must stop now, James!!! What will the stinky fish think?! Or the children of the stinky fish?!?! Pretty soon...all dogs will be this way. - Ash35
Paperclips? PAPERCLIPS? I can't use paperclips because....the paperclips ran away with my post-it notes and sneezed tartar sauce all over my steel-belted radial tires. - James FP
Well then, you damn well better keep your tires in a safe place. If you leave them out at night they might run away too. The way I hear it......there's tons of radioactive coconut stands running up the downtown making off with people's steel belted run flat tires. - Ash35
NO! NO! NOOO!!! IT IS THE LAWNMOWERS, I TELL YOU!! IT IS THE LAWNMOWERS WHO ARE STEALING THE WALKERS AND THE STINKY FISH'S SOCKS!!! MAN THE SUBWAY SANDWICHES!! WE ARE ALL GOING DOWWWWWNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn......... - James FP
My left eyeball went on vacation with the metronome, and had an affair with a Grandfather Clock, before winning the Big Toe Award for exellence in exploding peanut butter socks. - BJ Strykes
It all started when the staplers ate my spoon and hiccuped white flour all over the Lincoln Memorial. I took some bean sprouts and fed them to the Oriental Rug, to try to stop the lampshades from belching, but the bagels got mad and moved to New Mexico, along with seven eggbeaters and a cuisin-art. I drove halfway there on a peanut, but then the Russian dwarf hamster ate the steering wheel off my beanbag chair. I drove the desk the rest of the way, but we had to stop for a schoolhouse crossing the street. While I was away, the neighbor's flower garden staged a revolt against the turnips, but the trash cans stopped the fuzzy pink bunny slippers from crossing the Mississippi. My eyeball fell out, and I chased a golf club after it stole my V8. Having no luck, I hopped a pineapple and went over Niagara falls with Jimmy Carter. I never made it to New Mexico, due to a large tube of toothpaste blocking the way. So, instead, I ate Mt. Rushmore, and headed home, only to find out my house had been taken over by an ear of corn, and I had to sell my eyelashes to Charlie Sheen to get it back! So if anyone has seen my bagels, please let me know! Thanks! - Doveblob
It all began when the paperclips stole her rubber ducky and chucked Thawhidol's post-it notes out the window of a '57 Chevy Convertible while the lawnchairs proceeded to eat her ceiling fan and dump fruity pebbles all over her favorite beanbag chair. - James FP
I can't tell time anyways so who cares? I'm on eastern time :) YEEEEAAAAH, I'm so cool I'm a freakin ball of ice, I'm losing it, somebody stop me, I need to be retracted or whatever. My shoes are too tight. Who's freakin' shoes are these anyways? I don't know how to fly, THE SKY IS FALLING, and I have no clean under-pants! - SR 2000
Archeologists have recently unearthed what they believe to be the remnants of the 21st century corporate America which was mysteriously buried for almost 1000 years.... In their searching they have found various items, and among them seems to be a primitive computer card without an unknown interface. This looks as if it was surrounded by a polymer encasing that has since been shattered into pieces... While archeologists continued the dig, they came across what appeared to be a large computer that used the same interface as the card... After returning to the lab, and making sure the items had not been contaminated by the fallout, an elite team of scientists placed the card in the computer and powered it up.... and played interactive games for hours....In other news, unusually large deposits of organic polymer dye have been found in melted mounds.... - Luxverum
The bear...stepped on my cufflinks and ate the creme cheese off my steel-belted radial tires while the dish mooned a cow and the eggbeaters married the onions. - ErniePants
My shoes did backflips over the napkin holders and my hoover upright got fired for biting the mailman, while the donuts tried on underwear in the middle of the skating rink. - ErniePants
My dog tangoed with the SNES and the bird beaks shoveled the roof of the '67 Chevy. Then 'N Sync bounced the speakerphone and turned into Watto's chance cube; then it self-destructed turning the ice cream into Emerald Lynk. To top it off, the contact lenses did a jackhammer off the computer screen into a bottle of liquid uranium and the bagels destroyed the eclair army, forcing the donuts to retreat to the CPU and the bagel clan took the shoe and announced their victory over the broken glass. - Devilrays
Will you kindly Lick the steak off my scanner, I need to Dance like Brittany Spears tonight at the Untied right handed, one legged, 4 toothed sailor convention. But I can't get the Carpet off my windshield, and I heard on ESPN that it's going to be snowing rain drops tonight inside my Closet!? - SR 2000
I am Troy! Lord of all Light Fixtures! I am your father! Your mother, your son-in-law, your preacher, your long-distance carrier. I am your garderner, your ISP, your dentist, your lawyer, your conscience, your lunch on Tuesdays. I am Phil Donahue, Larry Sanders, Dionne Warwick, Homer Simpson. I am the Terror that flaps in the night. I am Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Pocahontas. I am the Walrus, the Flamingo, the Giraffe, the Frilled Lizard. I am peanut butter. I am jelly. I am soup. I am salad. I am the WaLnuT! 0o - Troy
Well, we're here because the bread maker married the toaster oven, and the stereo earphones learned to speak German from a stray dog that lives in the alleyway behind the couch and my comfy pair of bunny slippers. - James FP
My remote control burned rubber past the box of walnuts and landed on the back side of a bandaid, while my chia pet strapped a 3 1/4" floppy disk on his back and took two shoebags and called my dry-roasted peanuts on the speaker phone. - James FP
The magazines on the wall started arguing over the height of the mouse balls, and the catnip destroyed the flamethrower. Four boxes of cigars swallowed a can of broken glass, and the computer backgrounds traded love letters with the cartoon animators. - Devilrays
I stuck a dictionary up my nose and hoped to pop out the eggplant that was living in my ear. But instead, the Hoover upright vaccuum mated with the Sega Dreamcast, and produced 10 bottles of Tabasco sauce on the dashboard of my '57 Chevy Convertible. - James FP
Ronald McDonald kicked my pants backwards and made my cat grow a beard. My freinds forgot to give me my Wax paper and I was attacked by a Pencil Sharpener on my way to the doughnut shop. Then when I went to sit on a cloud, Radioactive cow juice squirted from my printer and melted my potatoe patterns. I can't grow a bubble and the Hyper drive is singing the Barney Theme song. So to make all this insanity go away I went and bought a Ten Gallon drum of White out and poured it in my bathtub, Then I threw my dirty clothes in it. - SR 2000
I stepped in a puddle of turtle wax, and fell backwards onto a black and decker toaster oven that was speeding down highway 90 in a margarine container. The cop pulled over the yellow-crested bazooka, and shot a donut at Henry Winkler. I rode a hot dog back to town and crashed into a speeding vat of lettuce, so the turnip gave me a ticket to the yogurt factory, where I stumbled over eight Russian ice dancers, and a set of Tiddlywinks shot from the potato skins and exploded on contact with the cheesemold. - James FP
That crap stinks like wet gramma's. I wanna go talk to your edsel so I can can the can of canned shnoo poo for you and your little dog too. - SR 2000
My bicycle sprouted string beans while I was sweeping the front porch of Fabio's trailer park with a penguin, so I lifted my bananas and farted out a blank floppy disk, but it wouldn't fit into the doggie bag with my sink faucets and rubber poodles. - ErniePants
I flew off to Paris in a high-heeled shoe, but fell in the clam chowder with the gorilla's pet unicorn, while my toaster tapped its toe to the theme song from Friends, and the peanut jar committed suicide, again. - ErniePants
Me and Mr. T beat squirrles in their nuts to get their nuts to eat for cereal inpartration, then the regulated dino-toed cleaver poop went to market with this little piggy and that was 4 hours from now, and I wet myself again when Mr. Pin went and made me and Mr. T apologize for the nuts, so now I'm just nuts. - SR 2000
It all started when the kangaroo rats ate my slippers right out from under the linoleum floor tiles, as the Tylenol capsules and the guy from Roto-Rooter kicked back in my Lay-Z-Boy recliner and launched the gerbil cage to the moon, where it landed on Monica Lewinsky and broke the dining room table. I opened up the walnut and found a note from Barbara Bush, telling me to fork over 280 toenail clippers, or never see my bubblebath again! I grabbed the door on the kitchen cabinet and flung it out the window, but the pigeons burped at the speed of light, and an egg landed on Jimmy Carter's toothbrush. - ErniePants
Today I rewinded my hair, and then I made my tobbacco monkey spin the dishwash cycle. My soft wood floor has been sneezing to the tune of the Macarana all day long, And that makes my pet Kiera upset. I went to buy some pudding to glue my floor on the bed, but all they had was toxic waste. I asked them what the time was, and they said, "It's cloudy with drizzle". I then realized all these things were related to a pair of nocturnal pants that some guy name Ernie had left in my Star ship, So I went to his french fry strong hold and gave them to his banana butt EZboard with the frontally aligned teeth. He was so unhappy with my keyboard that he dissmissed my damn dirty apes to go wash the ears of the Statue of Liberty. But I wouldn't have none of it, I told him to go run up the moving stairs at K-mart, but when he did he fell down and broke Bozo the Clowns Burt and Ernie Dolls. - SR 2000
My pants ran away with my highschool diploma and married the peanut butter and jelly sandwich wrappers, in a Volkswagen full of Elvis Impersonators. They drove up the Wilford Brimley's mustache and parked an eggplant in the garage, right behind the Guinea pigs sitting in the igloos. I heard the pincushion tell the strawberry jam to pull over, but he gave him a saxophone and called the Bucket Mouse for reinforcements. - ErniePants
I was eating water and drinking dirt when I heard a sneeze at the window, I threw up my wash machine and filled my T-P up with spik N span. Then these pants came over again and said they wanted JFK's motor cade to rewind the trapeze act manned by two 9 foot midgets. This 3 foot giant threatned me and said he was gonna whoop my ass-ignment book, I just laughed with no emotion at all. HA HA HA. I'm a poka' ninja you beef jerky turkey butt. He said to call down frown gorilla pound. $50 for a stack of 3 dollar bills, I'm so smart, I failed 6th grade and got a college degree. You stink like a wonderful smell. I eat sea-weed and drink dirt, I shaved my arm-pits and wore a tank-top, I can't stop on red so I go on pink. so then you tell him she needs to go home and stay in a motel. Then the pant's left and the sneeze was OJ simpson. - SR 2000
My pumpkins rolled down the street with a flannel shirt and eight bathtubs ran over the silverware as the porch swing flew off to Acapulco with the weeds in my pennyloafers. - ErniePants
I ate my jeans, then coughed up a hedgehog, and it's all the fault of the little rubber clams that sit on my shower curtain at night. The rubber clams make my feet stink, so I had to plant 3 lamppost feeders in the garden, and wait for them to grow a butler to serve me cherry flavored toothpicks on the patio in a giant sock on Mondays. - James FP
