| Top 25 Things We've Learned From SlayerX |
| by Deathamster and James
With special thanks to Sethra, Junus, & Bananaquit |
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#25. If someone says anything even slightly negative to or about your Revered Game Pond Icons (RGPI), no matter how true it is, you should throw the world's largest temper tantrum in response. However, if someone who is not in your RGPI makes a "hello" post after being away from the board for awhile, it is perfectly okay for you to make unmotivated cold or hostile replies to them. Remember, it doesn't matter if people specifically broke ties with a board to get away from your RGPI, they are gods who are to be respected by all. #24. When preparing to aggressively flame people, the way to prove you are qualified to be shooting your mouth off at them is to get every one of their names wrong. #23. DH is Mercury Crusader. #22. If you keep using the insult "shove carrots up your ass" enough times, eventually the boards you hate might go away. Keep trying every year, for 10 years, it'll happen some day. Just like waiting up for the Great Pumpkin. #21. There are no other sites on the internet besides the N-Sider and the Game Pond. #20. There's nothing wrong with having terrible grammar and spelling. Just so long as it clears up when you're really angry and it's important that people understand you. Don't worry about misuing english words and phrases in either case. #19. It doesn't matter if you never have anything interesting to say, or have terrible taste, or cliche opinions. So long as you typed "www.nintendo.com" in your browser and managed to get the chatroom to work, you're a god. #18. You can claim you own a message board, speak on behalf of all of its members, and tell people what they can and can't do there, and what they can and can't archive from it, even if you only posted there a few times in the last couple of months before it closed. #17. If you told someone years ago that a sketch they wrote is funny, that doesn't mean you can't threaten to sue them now if they archive it to a website and refuse to remove it. #16. The entire world revolves around you. If someone creates cartoon characters for a comic strip or a sketch comedy (even if they were created years ago), then those characters must have been based on you and your friends. #15. It's okay to be homophobic, especially if you use half-naked fighting game characters with bountiful ripped muscles, black leather tights and vests, and frosty white hair for avatars. Also acceptable are avatars of feminine anime men and RPG characters. #14. All Nine Inch Nails songs are about angsty teenagers on the internet whining because their favorite message board died. #13. Go ahead and accuse people you barely know of waging "death and destruction" across the internet. Be as vague as possible, provide no visual proof and no URLs to any of the said destruction. Don't even say what the names of the sites where this supposedly happened are. But if someone in your RGPI clearly hacks a website or floods a forum and the visual evidence is all sitting right out there in the open for everyone to see, turn the other cheek. #12. When you're at the mall, buy a shirt based on an anime that you don't even like. Just say you're not going to wear it because the American version of the anime sucks, but you like the Japanese version which you've never even seen. You won't at all look like you only bought it to fit in with your peers who are all completely gaga over said anime. #11. It is perfectly okay to flame people over their religious beliefs, even if you have no idea what those beliefs may be. Don't worry about remembering what side you're supposed to be on. If you send people emails and make posts about how believing in God is what makes them suck, it's okay if years later you condemn the same people for not believing in God. #10. If you start a topic with the title "Random Ranting" feel free to bitch at others for being "off-topic" if they use it to rant about random things #9. If you're a fan of oldschool and classic games, you should hang around sites and forums dedicated to them, register usernames based on them, and even write reviews and articles for retrogaming websites. But always remember to take sides with and defend someone who once said that the only reason people played oldschool games is because they were stupid back then and nostalgic now, who said that Super Mario Bros. wasn't an important game, who didn't even know that Pitfall doesn't scroll yet tried to argue it was the first sidescroller ever, and who once did a "Top 10 Videogame Soundtracks of All Time" list and didn't have a single "oldschool" game on it. Remember, you don't ever argue with or question anyone's opinions, unless it's BJ Strykes. Then making unmotivated, hostile repsonses is perfectly acceptable. #8. If you see a board having problems with a post-whore who insists that the webmaster should work more on cameos, by all means, go right ahead and start posting just to fight with him. When you're all done, be sure to tell the webmaster that she should give up writing reviews and just do cameos. It's not like you'd be encouraging that mentality or anything. #7. Whenever someone says anything even slightly negative to or about Team-VZQ, jump readily to their defense, tell everyone how "well-respected" they were, and call everyone else liars for recounting events that actually happened. If someone gets angry with you or suspects you might be friends with them or working with them, no problem. Just get unreasonably angry with that person for associating you with Team-VZQ. Also keep in mind that it's okay to keep getting angrier and angrier if they don't immediately reply to you and apologize, especially if they don't have an ISP at home and can only get on the internet occasionally. #6. It is perfectly okay to claim you knew someone on the internet better that her real-life friends knew her. Sending someone creepy stalker-mentality emails counts as "knowing" her. You can also bomb boards, flood emails, and attack people and websites in her name, even if it would have gone against everything she stood for. She appreciates you for it. She just doesn't know it yet. #5. Mercury Crusader is a jerk and he's still DH. #4. Being "emo" does NOT involve any of the following: #3. Even if you come right out and tell Devilrays to leave your forum, you can still blame everyone else for his disappearance from the internet. #2. Marmaduke is superior to Shakespeare.
And the #1 thing we've learned from SlayerX is...(drumroll please)
No one should ever talk about Transformers, ever, but Sailor Moon is high art and Hammerman is one of the greatest cartoons ever. 10 Years of Testimonials From Various Port Saiid/DHN Community Members on SlayerX and His Revered Game Pond Icons
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